02.17.05
Greenwell for President
So Mike Greenwell thinks he should be awarded the 1988 American League MVP award because Jose Canseco is a cheater? No offense, Mikey, but being upset about something that happened so many years ago is a very … wait … you DID play for the Red Sox … maybe the Beantown fans rubbed off on you.
My favorite Mike Greenwell memory actually comes from 1987. In an attempt to be less disgusting, Greenwell gave up chewing tobacco, and he immediately went into a huge slump. The day he went back on the dip, he hit for the cycle. Why do I remember this? Because I was in 6th grade, and we had an assignment to write a paper about someone who taught us a lesson. I wrote about how Mike Greenwell had taught me that if you allow yourself to become addicted to something, you become so dependent on it that you can’t perform regular functions without it. Here I was, a sixth grader, and I had more of a handle on life that Mike MVP Greenwell.
(For that same assignment, my neighbor Thomas wrote about how I had taught him the meaning of friendship by being so nice to him and stuff. Thomas is now serving a 25-to-life sentence for murder. I guess I taught him well…)
The only reason I bring up Mike Greenwell is that I felt like I needed to write about the steroids issue, but I honestly don’t have much to say about it. I think it is remarkably sad that Barry Bonds and Gary Sheffield went in and lied to the grand jury, Jason Giambi went in and told the truth, and Giambi is the one who is ostracized and scrutinized. I think the only thing Canseco’s book taught us is that the only person Jose Canseco cares about is Jose Canseco, which is something else I already knew when I was in sixth grade. Oh, and it also taught us that anyone named Jose who would name his daughter Josie needs to be kicked in his chemically-reduced testicles.
Baseball season is starting, and while I think it is absolutely wrong that Jason Giambi cheated, I find myself hoping that he will make a clean comeback and prove that he actually can play baseball. I don’t know if I believe that he can, but I can’t help rooting for the one guy with some respect for the law to make things right.
And hey, I got an A on that paper I wrote, so I will give Mike Greenwell my 1987 MVP award.
Frederick said,
February 23, 2005 at 1:29 pm
I’m fine with you rooting for Giambi as long as you’re rooting for the rest of the Yankees to fall apart. Bonds looked like a complete idiot yesterday.
Steven Gardner said,
April 23, 2005 at 11:07 am
Who did Thomas kill? Good thing you were nice to him, else it could have been you.